Knitting is therapy for me. I can do it for hours while watching tv, listening to music, or riding in a car. It has never meant so much to me though as it does now. You see, exactly one month ago today I was laying in this bed praying that the Lord would protect my baby, that He would let me keep my baby. While I was laying in that bed praying I was also knitting, knitting a sweater for our little baby M. M would have been our first winter baby, both of our other children were born in the horrible heat of summer and we did not have anything suitable for baby M to wear when she arrived. I call M a she not because I know for sure, but because from the moment I knew something was wrong and started praying I just kept calling baby M a girl, I just feel that she was. Only the Lord knows that now though someday I know that I will find out for myself as I take my precious baby into my arms for the first time on the day I also meet my Savor.
Losing a baby truly changes your out look on life and heaven. I have had grandparents die, I lost sibling to a miscarriage when I was 9; I have always look forward to meeting my Lord, but losing a baby gives me an urgency, an excitement, an anticipation to go to heaven that I had never felt before. It also changes your outlook on your other children and the fragility of life. The amazing wonder that anyone makes it through from conceptions to birth is mind boggling. I can only rest in knowing that we rest in the hands of the Lord and though I know He did not give us M to then snatch her away, that there is sin and death in this world and we must all suffer. He knew this would happen, though it was not His plan to hurt us, He has prepared a place for our dear M and she is safe in His arms, just as He leads Me and my husband E though this valley. The Lord is AMAZING!
To finish, one week later baby M was with the Lord, I finished her sweater and it will now go into a special box with a little baby Bible like our other children have, a blanket I had made for her before I knew she was even in my womb, the sweater I made for her while hoping all would be well and the a teddy bear I started knitting for her after she had arrived in the Arms of the ultimate Peace as a way to say "Goodbye" to my sweet little M. Knitting has helped. It as been my therapy.
Losing a baby truly changes your out look on life and heaven. I have had grandparents die, I lost sibling to a miscarriage when I was 9; I have always look forward to meeting my Lord, but losing a baby gives me an urgency, an excitement, an anticipation to go to heaven that I had never felt before. It also changes your outlook on your other children and the fragility of life. The amazing wonder that anyone makes it through from conceptions to birth is mind boggling. I can only rest in knowing that we rest in the hands of the Lord and though I know He did not give us M to then snatch her away, that there is sin and death in this world and we must all suffer. He knew this would happen, though it was not His plan to hurt us, He has prepared a place for our dear M and she is safe in His arms, just as He leads Me and my husband E though this valley. The Lord is AMAZING!
To finish, one week later baby M was with the Lord, I finished her sweater and it will now go into a special box with a little baby Bible like our other children have, a blanket I had made for her before I knew she was even in my womb, the sweater I made for her while hoping all would be well and the a teddy bear I started knitting for her after she had arrived in the Arms of the ultimate Peace as a way to say "Goodbye" to my sweet little M. Knitting has helped. It as been my therapy.
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